


A Day in the Life

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-08-14
Updated: 2005-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-27 01:00:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12070515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian helps Justin through a bad time.  This is loosely a sequel to Getting It Right and Enjoying Life Together.





	1. Chapter 1 - Bad News

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Brian could drive to work in about ten minutes, and that’s what he was doing one cold November morning. There were a few icy spots on the road but Brian’s path from the loft to downtown was over well-traveled and well-maintained roads. Brian often used the ten minutes to reflect on his new life. If anyone would have described this life to him just a few years back, he would have laughed at them. If anybody would have told him how happy he was going to be, he would not have known what they were talking about. Just about everything in his life was great these days and Brian hoped that would go on forever. He reached the underground parking garage in his building and pulled in. His immediate future was a series of relatively unimportant meetings. That would have driven him crazy in the old days but in these new days Brian seemed to be able to get through almost anything. Nothing bothered him now. He had everything he wanted.

 

During the second of these meetings, Cynthia came to the office window and beckoned for him to come out. “You have a phone call,” she told him, “Jennifer Taylor." She said it was important, and asked me to call you out of the meeting if it was at all possible.” Brian was more than a little surprised. Jennifer had come to accept him and was even friendly a good bit of the time. She knew that he and Justin were in a committed relationship and she seemed to understand that they were really in love. But she had never called him at the office before. They weren’t all that friendly, and at best, she was the mother-in-law. Brian couldn’t guess what was going on as he hurried back to his office to take the call.

 

“It’s Craig,” Jennifer said after Brian identified himself on the phone, “Justin’s father.” “I know who Craig is,” Brian responded, “But he can’t do anything more to Justin, or to me, so we’re not worried about him, whatever he does.” “He’s in Mercy Hospital, Brian,” Jennifer went on, ”He was driving into work this morning on the Parkway West. A big truck hit a patch of ice. The driver lost control and the truck crashed into Craig’s car.”

 

“Oh. Jeez,” Brian exclaimed, “How bad is it?” “It’s pretty bad,” Jennifer responded, “They don’t know if he’ll make it, and if he does, they won’t be sure for a couple of weeks.” “Where are you?” Brian asked. “At the hospital. Molly is here with me,” Jennifer answered, “The divorce isn’t final and I am still next of kin.”

 

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Brian asked, “Does Justin know?” “That’s why I called,” Jennifer said, “I hoped you would tell him. Craig’s name won’t be on the noon news but probably it will be by 5:00. I don’t want him to hear about this on the phone, and I think he would be better off hearing it from you. Can you possibly find him and tell him face to face?”

 

“Absolutely,” Brian responded, “That’s my job and I want to do it. I don’t know how he’ll take it but I want to be there to help him if he needs me. I do love him. Jennifer.” “I know that, Brian,” she admitted. Brian’s mind had already begun to work in high gear on how best to accomplish what he had to do. He almost didn’t hear Jennifer as she continued. “Brian, I haven’t told you all of it yet,” she said. “What more can there be?” Brian wondered. “Craig is all tied up with machines and tubes but he is conscious. I saw him. He wants to see Justin.”

 

Brian was not prepared for that. There was a momentary silence before the discussion continued. “Is that a good idea?” Brian asked. “I don’t know,” Jennifer responded, “It might be very good for them to see each other but it could be a disaster too. The doctors think we should do anything Craig wants, but they don’t know the background. It really needs to be Justin’s decision, Brian, but I want you to talk to him about it. I want you to think about it and advise him. He trusts you, and Brian, I trust you too. You know Justin better than anybody, certainly better than I do and I’m his mother, maybe even better than he knows himself, and I know you want what’s best for him. Help him to make the right decision. Whatever it is you decide, I won’t second guess you. Whatever you two decide will be the right thing.”

 

“Thanks, Jennifer,” Brian said as they finished the call, “I’ll get a hold of Justin and tell him but I don’t know how he’ll react. I don’t even know what I think. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Will you be at the hospital?” She gave him a number there where she could be reached and Brian added, “Thank you, Jennifer, for trusting me on this.” “You’re good for him, Brian,” Jennifer said as she hung up. Brian wasn’t prepared for that either.

 

Brian called Cynthia into the office. She was pretty much up-to-date on the Brian-Justin story so he told her the new details and asked for her opinion. “Gosh, that is a tough one,” she agreed, “It has to be Justin’s decision though, but I’ll bet he won’t make it without involving you. He’ll want to know what you think.” “And what should I think?” Brian asked. “I’m sure you don’t know now,” Cynthia stated, “But maybe you will when you talk it out with Justin. Do that as soon as you can. I’ll get someone else to cover all the rest of today’s meetings for you. Justin has to be your first priority today.” “Justin has to be my first priority always,” Brian thought to himself, “I wish I had known that sooner.”

 

Justin was carrying his cell phone but it was turned off during class and so Brian was not able to reach him immediately. He got into his car and headed over toward the Institute. He got there and was seated in a booth, drinking coffee, in the greasy spoon across from the main building when Justin’s phone answered. Justin was surprised that it was Brian.

 

“I thought you had meetings all day today,” he said. “I did but I needed to see you.” “Right now?” Justin asked, “I’m finished with classes. I was going to work for a while in the studio but I can come to your office if you want me to.” “I’m at Mary’s across the street. Come on over here,” Brian replied. Justin sensed that something was really up. “There’s bad news, isn’t there?” he asked Brian. “Not about us?” Justin worried. “Never about us,” Brian responded, “There will never be any bad news about us.” “I’ll be there in less than five minutes,” Justin promised.

 

That gave Brian five minutes or so to think but he still had no idea how to handle the situation when the door to Mary’s opened and Justin rushed in. All he knew was that Justin needed him and he was going to be there for him. He had to get this right. Justin ran to the booth and sat down. “What?” he asked.


	2. Chapter 2 - Justin Decides

Brian looked across the table at Justin. “There has been an accident,” he told the kid he loved more than anything else in the world, “Your father ….” Brian’s voice tailed off. He was having a hard time doing what he knew he had to do. “Is he hurt?” Justin demanded, “Brian, is he dead?” “He’s alive but it’s bad. He’s in Mercy Hospital,” Brian told him. Justin just sat there for a minute. There were tears in Justin’s eyes.

 

“I want to go home, Brian,” Justin said when he finally spoke “I want to be alone with you. I want you to hold me. I want you to kiss me. I want you to tell me that you love me and that everything will be OK.” They got up from the table. Brian took Justin’s hand as they walked to the jeep. Nothing was said on the ride back to the loft.

 

When they closed the loft door, Brian put both arms around Justin and pulled him close. “He was a great dad,” Justin sobbed, “He took me everywhere. We saw the Pirates and the Steelers and the Penguins together. He took me to the zoo and the museum. Mom did the art but dad did the dinosaurs. He loved me so much back then and I loved him too. Then I turned out to be such a disappointment to him. Dartmouth and ….”

 

“And me,” Brian said. “Brian, you know it wasn’t you,” Justin replied. “He just had such plans for me and I couldn’t live them. I don’t regret not going to Dartmouth and you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me in my whole life. I couldn’t have done anything any differently than I did but maybe I could have been more understanding of him. Maybe, my dad didn’t need to end up hating me.”

 

“You did try, Justin. You were willing to move back home that day I took you back but your dad was really unreasonable. There was nothing you could do then. That was his fault,” Brian reassured him. “I guess so, Justin answered. Then the look on Justin’s face changed and he asked, “What about my mother? What about Molly?” “They’re at the hospital, Brian told him, “Your mother called to tell me about the accident and she asked me to find you and tell you. She didn’t want to tell you about it on the phone so she called me.” “I’m glad she did. I need you now, Brian,” Justin replied. “Tell me about the accident,” he went on. “It was on the Parkway West this morning. A truck skidded into his car. He’s in bad shape but he has a chance according to the doctors,” Brian told him.

 

They moved over to the couch and sat down. Justin snuggled up to Brian and took his hand. “It could have been so different if my dad hadn’t thrown me out of the house and attacked you,” he said to Brian. “He just didn’t understand us,” Brian comforted him, “I didn’t understand us then either.” “Do you remember telling me that you could never feel about your dad the way I felt about mine?” Brian asked Justin. “I do remember that and I still think that. I have a lot of good memories about my dad that you didn’t have about yours,” Justin responded, “But I guess there really wasn’t anything I could have done to keep him in my life. Remember he quit paying my tuition at the Institute and that was a lot later. He just hates me and that’s that. I couldn’t give up my art and I could never give you up and so my dad might die hating me, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

 

Brian put his arm around Justin and ran his fingers through Justin’s hair. “Justin,” he said, “There’s one more thing I need to tell you.” “What?” Justin asked apprehensively. “Your dad is conscious. He’s hooked up to a lot of machines in intensive care, but he wants to see you,” Brian told him. “What does my mother want me to do?” Justin questioned. “She wants you to decide for yourself and she wants me to help you to decide if you want me to.” Brian answered. Justin didn’t answer. He stared into space and Brian waited for the revelation to sink in. Finally Justin said, “I can’t go.”

 

“Do you want to talk about it at all? Do you want to tell me why you can’t go?” Brian asked him, “You don’t have to. It’s your choice to make and I want you to make the right one. If your dad does die, I don’t want you regretting your decision for the rest of your life. Is there anything I can do to help?”

 

“What if he asks me on his deathbed to give up my ‘disgusting life style?’” Justin replied, “What if he asks me that, and I tell him I can’t and then he dies? I can’t give you up. I can’t be what he wants me to be, and I can’t tell him that. Brian, I just can’t tell him that, so I can’t see him. I guess I could go to the hospital and see my mother and Molly but I just can’t see my dad.”

 

“Have you considered the other side of that coin?” Brian asked Justin, “Maybe your dad has come to his senses and wants to tell you that he made a mistake, that he still loves you and wants you back in his life and wants to be part of yours? He did ask to see you, you know. You think your dad hates you. Do you hate your dad? If you don’t want him back in your life, you really shouldn’t go. If you think you might want him back in your life, maybe it would be a chance worth taking.” “I love you, Brian,” Justin told him, “My dad was good to me when I was a kid but he was never nice to you. He wrecked your car and attacked you on the street and you want me to get together with my dad if I want to. You must really love me.” “I do,” Brian said. Justin thought for a few minutes. “I’ll go,” he decided. “When?” Brian asked. “Now,” Justin answered.

 

“I’m going with you,” Brian stated. “This is going to be really tough for me, Brian. I think maybe I need to do this myself,” Justin responded. “I thought we said ‘for better or worse.’ You don’t have to do anything yourself,” Brian insisted, “You can go in to see him yourself because you are the one he asked to see, but I have to be there, just in case you might happen to need me.” “I’ll always need you,” Justin smiled. “And I’ll always be there,” Brian assured him.

 

When they got to the hospital, it wasn’t easy to locate the ICU and Justin got increasingly nervous as they walked the halls. He was glad that Brian was with him. They finally found the proper waiting room. Jennifer was there but Molly had gone home to rest. Jennifer greeted them and after a few preliminary questions they learned that there was no change in Craig’s condition. “I’ve come to see dad if he still wants to see me,” Justin told his mother. She walked over to the desk and exchanged some words with the attendant there. Then they sat down and talked. It seemed like hours but it was just under ten minutes when the attendant answered a phone ring, and announced, “You can see your father now, Mr. Taylor. Come this way.”


	3. Chapter 3 - Intensive Care

Justin followed the attendant into the Intensive Care Unit. It was a large room with twelve tent-like cubicles where patients hovered between life and death, carefully monitored by trained personnel for any change in their condition. Craig was in Cubicle #6. “Your father is very weak,” Justin was told, “You can stay ten minutes at the most. Less would be better.”

 

Justin thought he was ready for what he would see, but he was unnerved by all the machines with their blinking lights and beeping sounds. He wished Brian were with him. “Your son is here to see you, Mr. Taylor,” the nurse said to Craig. “Justin?” Craig answered in a weak voice that rattled Justin even more. The nurse left and Justin walked up to the bed. His dad was covered with bandages and splints but Justin could still see bruises on the areas of skin that Craig still had exposed.

 

“I didn’t know if you’d come,” Craig said to Justin. “You’re still my dad,” Justin answered, “You should have known I’d be here if you wanted me.” “I’m not sure that I’m going to get through this, Justin. I’m in pretty bad shape.” Craig went on, “I’ve been thinking. You know what I’ve been thinking about? The good times the two of us had together.” “Like what?” Justin smiled as he asked. “Like the time we were at the Pirates playoff game in 1991 and you dropped that hot dog on my white pants, the hot dog that you had smothered in mustard.” “That was one of the good times?” Justin asked. “Maybe memorable would be the better word,” Craig admitted, “Do you remember the two questions you asked me while I was trying to get the mustard off? First you asked me if the mustard would wash out, and then you asked me if you could have another hot dog. You promised to put ketchup on the new one. You were a great kid, Justin. We had some really good times together. I was so proud of you.”

 

“I wish we could have some good times together again. First you have to get out of the hospital,” Justin replied, but he knew that they were just words, that there was more than the hospital keeping them from enjoying each other’s company. He didn’t think it likely that his father would ever be proud of him again. But Craig reached out for Justin’s hand. “The Steelers are doing pretty well. They’re a sure thing for the playoffs. Possibly even the Super Bowl,” Craig said, “Maybe we can hit one of the playoff games together.” “Yeah, maybe,” Justin answered, going along with his maybe dying father’s fantasy. Justin wondered if his father was in touch with reality, if he had forgotten their more recent history. Justin partly hoped that he had. “Justin,” Craig said, “If we go to a playoff game together, I hope Brian will come too.”

 

Now Justin was wondering if he was himself in touch with reality, if he had heard his dad correctly. He didn’t know what to say, but he didn’t have to say anything because Craig went on: “I wanted you to come here so that I could tell you I was wrong. I’ve been wondering how to do this for a while but I didn’t know how you would feel about it. Then the accident made it necessary for me to try to see you right away. There may not be tomorrow. I was angry with you, Justin, and I really went way overboard about the situation, but I never stopped loving you. You’re my son. I’ll always love you. Can you understand that?”

 

“I can understand that, dad. I guess I was every bit as mad at you as you were at me, but I never stopped loving you either,” Justin answered, “I’ve often thought about the good times we had together too, maybe not the same good times you remembered, but there were so many good times to pick from. I told Brian about a lot of them. He’s a good listener, a better listener than talker by a long shot. I just wish you could still be proud of me. I know I let you down.”

 

“No, you didn’t. You didn’t let me down.” Craig contradicted him, “You wouldn’t live the life I had planned for you, but it took a lot of courage for you to stand up to me when I was wrong. I admire your courage, Justin, and I’m proud of you for that. And I’ve seen your art work too. I bet you didn’t know that. It would have been a crime to put someone as talented as you behind a desk crunching figures. I must say though that I like your art sketches better than the comic book.” “Sometimes the true artist has to be commercial,” Justin laughed.

 

Then Justin took the initiative. “Dad, Are you OK with me and Brian? We are definitely together and we hope forever.” “I don’t understand the ‘gay’ thing, Justin, but I think I understand love. If you’re in love with Brian and he’s in love with you, I’m OK with that,” Craig responded, “I was trying to protect you from him because I thought he was using you. That’s not what’s going on now, according to your mother so, yes, I’m OK with you and Brian. Your mother says you are a better person because of Brian, and that he is a way better person because of you. That’s a perfect definition of marriage for me so I’m OK with you and Brian. I wish I could have told you all this before the accident but I’m glad I’m getting to tell you now. I’m glad I got that chance.”

 

“You’ll never know how glad I am that we had this talk, dad. My life is going really well now and having you back in it makes it that much better,” Justin said, “ I have to go now because we’re over the ten minutes and you need to rest. I’ll be back. We’re going to help you get better. Brian will come too. You’ll like him, dad, you will.” “I know I will,” Craig answered, “If you love him, he’s got to be a great guy.” As Justin left, Craig said in a low voice, “Goodbye, Justin,” but Justin did not hear him.

 

There was as much tension in the waiting room as there had been in Cubicle #6. Brian was pacing back and forth, hoping that Justin would not be crushed by the meeting with his father. Jennifer kept pulling and pushing at things, hoping that the time would pass. It dragged. When Justin appeared they could not read the results of his visit from his face. Justin embraced Jennifer and then threw his arms around Brian. “I’ve got my dad back,” he whispered.


	4. Chapter 4 - Reflections

Before they left the hospital, the attending physician warned Jennifer and Justin not to get their hopes too high. Craig’s condition was still very precarious. Nevertheless, on the way home, Justin was upbeat about the situation and that worried Brian. “I never thought this could happen,” Justin told Brian. Brian responded: “I’m glad you and your dad could come to an agreement but it would be better, babe, if you took this business one step at a time. Your dad’s pretty sick and sometimes sick people say things and make promises they can’t keep after they get well. And you know that he might not get well. You have to be prepared for anything.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” Justin admitted, “But I’m just so excited about our talk that I can’t even think about the accident, and the bad stuff. This just has to work out.” The rest of the way home, Brian worried and Justin hoped in silence.

 

There were a lot of calls on their answering machine when they got back to the loft. The accident had made the TV news and Craig’s name had been given. Brian told Justin to rest and promised to return the calls from the gang but Justin called Daphne himself on his cell phone from the bedroom.

 

“Can you believe it, Daff?” He asked her, “I’m going to get back together with my dad. He is willing to accept me and Brian. He wants to meet Brian. I know they’ll get along and I’ll have my dad back.” “You really did miss him then?” Daphne wondered, “Even after all the rotten things he said to you and did to you and Brian.”

 

“Well, I guess I didn’t know I missed him. I was pretty mad at him. But I never forgot all the good times we had. You know he was just about the best dad in the world until he found out I was gay. Then he went ballistic and I thought we were through forever. I could never have been what he wanted me to be and I was pretty sure that he would never accept me as I am. So this all just came out of the blue and I can’t believe it.” “But you’re not sure he’s going to get over the accident, are you?” Daphne said, “You said the doctors told you they can’t be sure.”

 

“He will,” Justin was sure. “Justin, I know you love Brian and I love him too,” Daphne responded, “But you know he’s not the easiest guy in the world to get along with. He’d do anything for you because he loves you too, but can you be sure that he and your dad will really hit it off?” “They just have to, Daff. I’ll have to make sure that they do,” Justin insisted. “Well I hope so,” she said to him, “Is there anything I can do to help?”  
“Not now,” Justin told her, “Maybe later though. Just pray.” As they hung up Daphne was thinking there was a lot to pray for. It had been a very tough day for Justin but he fell asleep happy.

 

Brian was in the living area, making calls. By the time Justin fell asleep, Brian was talking to Lindsey. He had told her what he knew of the accident and the details of their visit to the hospital, and was now sharing with her the concerns he had about Justin: “He’s just so happy, Linz. He doesn’t seem to have accepted that the accident is so serious and that Craig could easily die. The doctors aren’t even sure about the nature of all his injuries. It’s going to be really tough on him if that happens, especially because of the meeting with his father. He could deal with his father’s death a lot easier if they hadn’t had that meeting. His hopes are so high.”

 

“Maybe everything will go well though with Mr. Taylor, Brian,” Lindsey said, “And you won’t have to deal with him dying. If you have to, I’m sure you’ll be able to help Justin cope. He’ll need you then and I know you’ll help him handle it.” “Even if he recovers, I don’t know how I’m going to handle a friendly relationship with Craig Taylor. There’s a history there and I can’t imagine us ending up buddy-buddy, can you?” Brian asked her. “Well, if he has really accepted your relationship, I think you could get along all right. You both love Justin and it means so much to him, you’ll have to try,” she answered him. “Oh I’ll try all right,” Brian promised, “You know I’d do anything for Justin.” “I know you would, and you’ll handle whatever comes very well. Don’t worry,” Lindsey advised him in closing. “That’s easier said than done,” Brian thought to himself.

 

Brian finished the calls and checked the refrigerator. There were plenty of things Justin liked there. Brian wanted to make sure Justin ate when he woke up.

 

Brian dozed for a while in the chair and woke with a start when he heard Justin getting up. When Justin came out of the bedroom, Brian asked him if he was hungry. Justin said he wasn’t but Brian insisted: “You are going to eat. You know I’m not the bossy type but you are going to eat or hear me nagging about it the rest of the evening.” “I’ll eat,” Justin gave in. Brian got the food out and Justin kept his promise – in spades.

 

After they ate, Brian and Justin sat down on the couch next to each other. Brian put his arm around Justin and Justin rested his head on Brian’s shoulder. “How are you doing, Sunshine?” Brian asked. “I’m doing OK” Justin replied, “I’ve been thinking a lot. It has really been a day, hearing about the accident and then going to the hospital, seeing my dad again and talking to him.”

 

“Justin,” Brian began, but Justin interrupted him before he could continue. “Brian,” Justin said, “I couldn’t have gone to the hospital. I wouldn’t have if it hadn’t been for you. I wouldn’t have gone in to see my dad if it hadn’t been for you. I wouldn’t have got my dad back if it wasn’t for you. Even you can’t imagine how much that means to me to hear him say what he said. Even if he dies, I still have him back, thanks to you.” Brian tried to respond but Justin wouldn’t let him. “Brian, you don’t have to worry about me. I told you I’ve been thinking. I really do know what’s going on. I’ve thought it over. I know my dad might die. That would be very hard for me but I can get through it if you help me. If he gets better, things may not turn out as perfectly as I want them to. I know that too. But I think he’ll try and I know you’ll try, so if things don’t get to be as good as I hope, that will be OK too. I know you’ll always be there to help me and I want you to know how much I appreciate it. That’s why I love you.” Then Justin leaned up and kissed Brian, “And I always will,” he continued.

 

Brian kissed Justin back. “Baby,” he said, “That takes a load off my mind. You’ve got it right and I’m glad about that. I was worried that you were being too optimistic about your dad. You are not being too optimistic about me though. You couldn’t be. I’ll always be here for you whenever you need me, and maybe even sometimes when you don’t. I may even be here for you sometimes when you wish I weren’t. That’s what love is all about, Sunshine. You’ve got me and you’re stuck with me. That’s love.”

 

“Wow,” Justin marveled, flashing his sunshine smile, “Who would have ever thought that Brian Kinney would become an expert on the subject of love?”

 

Brian smiled back at him. He pushed his tongue into his cheek and winked at Justin. “Not me,” he said.


	5. Chapter 5 - Resolution

Later that night, Brian and Justin were lying in bed next to each other. They were both awake but they were not talking. Enough had been said earlier. Brian was behind Justin with both arms around the kid and Justin had clasped both of Brian’s hands is his. Justin was trying to go to sleep. It had been a very difficult day for him - the exhilaration of having his father accept him coupled with the thought that he might soon lose his newly found dad. Brian had been the greatest help for him all day, and it was Brian’s arms around him that convinced him he could get through whatever was to come. He was thinking of his dad but he was also thinking of Brian and how much of a difference that great guy had made in his life. Brian, on the other hand, was trying to stay awake. He did not want to be asleep if Justin should need him. He was wondering about the future too. He wanted to do the best he could for that lovable kid next to him, who for some wonderful and unknown reason seemed to need him. Brian thought his job would be harder if Craig were to survive, but he was determined to forge some kind of acceptable relationship with Justin’s father because that was what Justin wanted – and what Justin wanted was very important to Brian. He wanted what Justin wanted. In the middle of some complicated thinking, Brian noticed Justin’s breathing get deeper. He was convinced that Justin had fallen asleep. Shortly thereafter, Brian was asleep too.

 

They had no idea what time it was when they were both startled into consciousness by the ringing of the phone. It was still dark outside. Brian could feel Justin’s body trembling next to him. “I’ll get that, unless you want to,” he told Justin. “No, you do it, please,” Justin asked him. So it was Brian who heard Jennifer’s voice on the other end of the line.

 

“The hospital just called,” she told him, “Craig’s vital signs are failing. They don’t think there is anything they can do. He’s awake off and on. I’m heading over there now.”

 

“I’ll bring Justin over as soon as we can get there,” Brian assured her. Justin didn’t say anything when Brian turned to him but tears were running down his face. Brian moved over to the bed and embraced him. “We have to go to the hospital, Babe, Your dad’s worse,” Brian told him. “This is it, isn’t it?” Justin said. “Probably,” Brian answered, “It looks like it.” “Help me, Brian,” Justin pleaded. “I will,” Brian told him.

 

Dawn was just breaking as they reached Mercy Hospital and headed toward the Intensive Care Unit. Jennifer arrived there simultaneously. Molly was not with her. “Molly is sick,” Jennifer explained, “Her friend, Melissa, stayed with us last night and she is going to stay with Molly till I get back.”

 

The head nurse greeted them at the entrance of the ICU. “Mr. Taylor is sinking. He does not want us to use life support systems if there is no chance of a real recovery and we don’t think there is. He knows he is dying. He was awake a few minutes ago when I was back there. You can all go back if you wish,” she told them. “You two go back,” Brian said to Jennifer and Justin, “I’ll be here if you need me.”

 

Craig was not awake when they got to his bedside. He looked better to them than he had on the previous day but they knew not to take any hope from that. It was less than a minute though till he opened his eyes and recognized them. “Jen, Justin,” He said in a weak voice, “Thanks for coming. I’m glad to get to see you one more time.” “Dad,” Justin told him, “You’re going to pull through this. You’ll see.” “Not this time,” Craig responded, “I’m letting you down again. I’m not going to be able to make that Steeler playoff game with you. Dave from the office will see that you get my tickets. That’s already arranged. I want you and Brian to go.” “No,” Justin insisted, “We’re all going.” Craig ignored him. “Where is Brian?” Craig asked, “From what I hear about him, he’d never let you come here – go through all this – yourself.” “He’s in the waiting room, Dad,” Justin answered. “Bring him in,” Craig continued, “I guess he’s part of the family too.”

 

Justin was crying when he got to the waiting room. Brian put his arm around him. “It’s OK, Sunshine,” Brian told him. “It’s not OK,” Justin responded, “I need to be strong for my dad – and my mom. You wouldn’t be crying.” “It’s OK, Sunshine. It’s OK to cry,” Brian repeated and then he added, “You’re right though: I didn’t cry when my dad was dying. Maybe I wish I could have.”

 

“My dad wants to see you, Brian,” Justin told him, “He wants you to come in now. He said you are one of the family.” The invitation made Brian a little nervous. “What will I say to him?” he asked Justin. “You’ll know what to say,” Justin answered, “You always know what to say.” Brian took Justin’s hand as they headed to Cubicle #6. He didn’t think it was a good idea to go in to see Craig hand in hand with Justin so he tried to release his hand but Justin would not let go.

 

“Hi, Mr. Taylor,” Brian said as he got to the bedside. “Would you call me Craig, Brian? We don’t have a lot of time to get on a first name basis,” Craig said to Brian, “I want to thank you for taking such good care of Justin when I wouldn’t. I don’t know what got into me. If you hadn’t taken over my responsibility to protect him, something really awful could have happened. I let him down when he needed me most. And I have to apologize to you too for the things I did to you. I don’t know what came over me. I think I’m a better man than I showed then.”

 

“Don’t we all make mistakes, Craig? I know I do,” Brian responded, “Justin has told me about a lot of the things you did together. You were always there for him, so I know you were a really good father to him. He could not have grown into the tough, brave young man he is without you. You and Jen had to be great parents to have such a great kid. He really loves you both.”

 

“But I made such a big mistake about you and Justin,” Craig said. “You were certainly wrong about Justin, but I don’t guess you were wrong about me,” Brian replied, “I was just using Justin at the beginning. I wouldn’t have called it that then but that’s what it was. It is not that now. I love him, Craig. I always will. I’ve told him that and now I’m telling you. You’ve made Justin very happy by accepting him, and me. Anything that makes Justin happy makes me happy, and I’m glad we can be friends.”

 

“I’m going to let him down again, Brian,” Craig said, “I don’t think I’ll be here to help him next time he needs me. You filled in for me before, will you do it again?”

 

“I’ll always be there if he needs me. You can be sure of that. But you’ll always be there too. You’ve taught him well and he’s a good learner. He’ll make his own decisions and they’ll be based on what he’s learned from you, so you’ll always be there.” Jennifer reached over and grasped Brian’s hand, the one Justin was not squeezing numb. Craig turned to Justin and told him: “You have a prize here Justin. I’m so proud of you. Now don’t foul things up. You’ll never find another Brian.” “I’m never going to look, Dad. I’ll never have to. And we’ll take care of mom and Molly too.”

 

“I thank you all,” Craig replied. “I wish ….” Craig’s eyes closed. The attending physician arrived at that point to check on Craig but it was too late. Craig was gone.

 

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Taylor,” He said to Jennifer. Turning to Justin, he said, “I’m sorry you’ve lost your father, Mr. Taylor. Please feel free to stay here for a few minutes if you wish.” When the doctor had left to make whatever arrangements were required, Justin kissed his mother and then threw his arms around Brian’s neck. “Thank you for everything,” he said, “The doctor is wrong. I haven’t lost my father. A few days ago I had lost my father. Now I will have him always.”


	6. Chapter 6 - Parents

It was the evening of Craig’s funeral. Brian and Justin had spent the day with Jennifer and Molly. In the early evening, Jennifer insisted that they go home. She told them that she had some things to do but she really thought that they needed to be alone together. Justin had been keyed up in the three days since Craig died and she was sure that Brian was the one person in the world who could help him.

 

“Are you tired, Justin?” Brian asked as they entered the loft. “Yeah, I am,” Justin admitted, “But I don’t want to go to bed yet. I couldn’t sleep. Can we just sit around for a while? I want to talk.” “Then I want to listen,” Brian replied. “No,” Justin said, “I want you to talk too. “Whatever you want is what we’ll do,” Brian clarified the issue, “As usual.” “As usual? ” Justin asked. “As usual,” Brian insisted. He could see Justin loosening up which was just what he wanted. “Let’s get into more comfortable clothes and then we’ll talk, if that’s what you want to do,” Brian suggested, and that’s what they did. They sat on the couch and Justin snuggled up to Brian. Justin didn’t say anything for a while and Brian waited for him to start the conversation.

 

“You were great, Brian. You got me through the viewing and the funeral,” Justin told him when he finally spoke. “I think I was a surprise to the out-of-town relatives,” Brian replied. “Well they didn’t know I was gay. The locals all did though, with all the publicity we’ve had, so it was just those few that were surprised. They all seemed to take it pretty well at any rate,” Justin said. “They did,” Brian agreed, “They saw that your mother was OK with us. That was a big part of it. She even introduced me to her aunt as a combination of son and son-in-law. Your mother was really the great one. You have a wonderful mother, Justin, and you had a wonderful dad too. You don’t know how lucky you are.” “Yes, I do,” Justin insisted, “And I was lucky to get you too.”

 

“I’m so glad I got together with my dad before he died, Brian, and I’m very glad you got to talk to him. You did like him, didn’t you?” Justin queried. “I did like him, Sunshine. You were right. Your dad and I could have got to be good friends,” Brian answered, “And I’m kind of allergic to dads. I wasn’t as lucky as you with my parents.”

 

“Brian,” Justin told him, “When your dad died last year, you acted like you didn’t care, but I think you did care.” “You didn’t even know my dad,” Brian countered, “How could you know anything?” “Because I know you, Brian. I wish you’d confide in me more than you do. Some day you will. In the meantime, I can tell things about you just from knowing you,” Justin explained. “Well you’ve got it wrong this time,” Brian insisted. “Maybe,” Justin said, “You know I don’t pry, but I know that even if you hated your father, you did go to see him regularly and you gave him a lot of money too. I’m not saying you loved him but I think you did want some kind of a relationship with him – maybe you just wanted to know why he rejected you – maybe just so you could quit rejecting yourself.”

 

“Two questions, Sunshine,” Brian mused, “Where did you study Freud and who told you about my giving money to my father – as if I didn’t know?” “I never studied Freud but I guess I have studied you, Hon, I love you, you know,” Justin replied, “Mikey told me about you giving money to your father. Remember you shut me out of your dad’s funeral because you did not want your mother to know about me. Well Mikey loves you too, not as much as I do but still a lot. Mikey told me that you did not get through your father’s funeral very well. He did all he could for you but he thought I could do more so he had to tell me.”

 

“So everybody knows more about me than I do,” Brian wondered. “Not everybody,” Justin smiled, “But a few of us maybe. Seriously though, Brian, I’m sorry I brought it up. Let’s forget it.”

 

“Before we forget it,” Brian countered, “You know I love you but maybe you forget that I know you pretty well too. There’s more here than what you’re saying. You’re not bringing up this old stuff without some hidden agenda. I want to know what it is and I’d like to know right now.”

 

“I’m ready to go to bed now,” Justin tried to change the subject. “And I’ll be glad to go with you, Sweetheart, right after you answer my question, and not one minute before,” Brian demanded.

 

“OK, you win, as usual. Brian, I was so happy to get back with my father, and it was you who was responsible for that. I was thinking about you and your mother. She knows you’re gay now and maybe….” “Forget it, Sunshine. It’s not the same. My mother doesn’t really care about me at all except to keep me out of Hell, and she’s convinced that’s a losing battle. My mother doesn’t love me and I don’t love her.”

 

“You’re sending her money somehow or other, aren’t you, Brian, in some way that she doesn’t know it’s coming from you?” Justin said, “My guess is that you haven’t told anybody that but I know it anyhow.” “I think it is time to go to bed, Sunshine,” Brian answered. “You’re the boss,” Justin claimed, but they did not move from the couch. “Are you going to be OK, Baby?” Brian asked Justin. “Yeah, I am. You have made sure of that so far and you’ll keep making sure of that if I have any problems. I depend on you so much.” “I’m glad you do,” Brian responded.

 

“Will you think about your mother, Brian?” Justin renewed the subject. “Remember when I warned you that I would be there for you sometimes when you wished I weren’t, Baby,” Brian admonished him, “Well I didn’t think it was going to be vice-versa too.”

 

“Can I change the subject, Brian,” Justin asked.

 

“Do you ever need my agreement to say whatever comes to your mind? Would it make any difference if I had any objections?” Brian came back. Justin took that to signal agreement so he went on. “You told my dad that I was a brave young man. Do you really believe that?” “Of course I believe that, not that there weren’t some less flattering adjectives I could have added too,” Brian laughed, wondering where his devious little twink was going with this. “Well you still call me ‘Baby’ sometimes,” Justin pointed out.

 

“I’m sorry, Brave Young Man, I didn’t realize you didn’t like to be called ‘Baby.’ From now on it will be ‘Brave Young Man.’ No more ‘Baby’ for ‘Brave Young Man,’” Brian promised. “Brian,” Justin complained, trying to sound exasperated, “I know you’re smart but I don’t know how you can so often misinterpret what I say, especially when I’m so clear in what I mean.” “What?” Brian puzzled. “I want you to call me ‘Baby.’” Justin informed him, “I want to be your ‘Baby’ even when I get to be as old as you are.” “OK, Tough Young Baby, you know that whatever you want, I want too,” Brian smiled. He had been worried that Justin would have a continuing problem dealing with his father’s death, but he was feeling better on that score now. He knew Justin was grieving but that he would be all right.

 

“I guess we better go to bed now,” Justin said, “I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep though.” “Maybe you won’t have to,” Brian suggested. “Gee Brian,” Justin countered, “I’m proud of you. You’re getting better at understanding my meaning already.”


End file.
